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The Council of Speakers

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8 years ago
Oct 7, 2016, 9:03:11 PM

                On the banks of a river delta on a jungle world, a group has gathered. The group would be peculiar to many of the species of the galaxy, for these were only identified as the same species by their quintuple eyes. The other unusual fact would be the fact that these creatures are dozens of meters tall. The subject of the day's gathering is the group that has Withdrawn from the Consensus of the Unfallen.

                “We cannot allow them to undermine the consensus!” The speaker is a knobby, tree-like being, covered in a flowing cape of leaves. The leaves contain various stones, gems, and bits of metal; including something that looks suspiciously like a fragment of alien armor. “To Withdraw goes against the natural order of our species! They are no longer a part of us.” The Speaker of the Grove for the Application of Force continued bellowing at the other speakers.

                “Their transgressions are not so severe that they cannot be brought back into the fold, Annoris.” This Speaker is larger, in a much more peculiar way. Her root-legs are many and a wide canopy of manipulator-branches spread above her. She speaks for the Grove of Eternal Growth and, for the moment, the Majority Consensus.

                “I agree with Decumaria, Annoris. It will take years as it is to regrow those who have left. Hellobora’s followers will return to the Consensus eventually. It is not worth their deaths and the losses of your Grove in addition to theirs.” Alatum speaks softly to the assembled Speakers.

                Not bothered by the opposition in the slightest, Annoris chose a new tactic, “The Groves of Improving Creation and Everlasting Knowledge are in agreement with mine.”

                “Be that as it may Speaker, the Majority has spoken. Until and unless the Withdrawn show aggression, they shall be left on to their own devices,” the Majority speaker continues in her even tone.

                “Very well, Speaker. We shall remain watchful, but will do nothing to them.” With a rustle of leaves on bark Annoris bows and leaves.

                In the safety of his own mind, Alatum ponders how much longer the Majority will stand. Perhaps the Withdrawn will be the catalyst for a great change.

Updated 8 years ago.
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8 years ago
Oct 7, 2016, 9:44:39 PM

One thing that's a bit strange - why do you have the Grove of Growth and the Grove of Eternal Growth? I'd encourage you to change one of their names, it's too confusing if you have two different groves with almost identical names

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8 years ago
Oct 7, 2016, 10:18:08 PM
PANCZASU wrote:

One thing that's a bit strange - why do you have the Grove of Growth and the Grove of Eternal Growth? I'd encourage you to change one of their names, it's too confusing if you have two different groves with almost identical names

Nice catch. They were supposed to be the same, but I guess I forgot to change one during my iterations and drafts.

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8 years ago
Oct 8, 2016, 1:47:50 AM

Ah, another group conversation! I like these quite a bit but --- I REMAIN UNBIASED AND LIKE EACH STORY STYLE EQUALLY ---


I quite enjoy how you have put a focus on descriptions along with each speakers and the tone you have used throughout. Yes, I will say as well that they are addressed by rather curious titles.


I see you have your 4 groves 


Grove of Offensive Defense - Military 


Grove of Eternal Growth. - Growth and Economy?


Grove of Improving Creation  - Engineering  and Industry

                                                                                  

Grove of Everlasting Knowledge - The Sciences


Oh, do keep in mind this is what I would do and not necessarily what you should do, after all its all part of personal choices when writing.


I would try to work on the name for... the military one since Offensive Defense sounds a bit weird. The Groves of Eternal Growth and Everlasting Knowledge sound fairly solid; "Improving Creation" which Im almost a fan of its name.


Good luck to you, if you make any changes Ill loop back around again to see.


If you briefy seen what i wrote before and deleted its because I was tired and wrote something dumb while tired and I didnt see my mistake - two mentions of Grove of Eternal Growth throwing me.

Updated 8 years ago.
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8 years ago
Oct 8, 2016, 5:47:27 AM
Digitalhawk96 wrote:

Ah, another group conversation! I like these quite a bit but --- I REMAIN UNBIASED AND LIKE EACH STORY STYLE EQUALLY ---


I quite enjoy how you have put a focus on descriptions along with each speakers and the tone you have used throughout. Yes, I will say as well that they are addressed by rather curious titles.


I see you have your 4 groves 


Grove of Offensive Defense - Military 


Grove of Eternal Growth. - Growth and Economy?


Grove of Improving Creation  - Engineering  and Industry

                                                                                  

Grove of Everlasting Knowledge - The Sciences


Oh, do keep in mind this is what I would do and not necessarily what you should do, after all its all part of personal choices when writing.


I would try to work on the name for... the military one since Offensive Defense sounds a bit weird. The Groves of Eternal Growth and Everlasting Knowledge sound fairly solid; "Improving Creation" which Im almost a fan of its name.


Good luck to you, if you make any changes Ill loop back around again to see.


If you briefy seen what i wrote before and deleted its because I was tired and wrote something dumb while tired and I didnt see my mistake - two mentions of Grove of Eternal Growth throwing me.


Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it. I tweaked the double mention of Growth. I'll think on the names, not at 100% right now and don't want to commit to any tougher changes. You're also largely spot on for my intentions for what each Grove represents.


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8 years ago
Oct 17, 2016, 1:21:30 PM

Just seen a typo or two (I think a noun-article agreement), otherwise your submission is validated.

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8 years ago
Oct 19, 2016, 8:36:05 PM
Frogsquadron wrote:

Just seen a typo or two (I think a noun-article agreement)[...]

If you or someone else could point it out that would be great. I've passed the point where proof-reading it myself is doing any good. Will see if I can find a friend with some free time too.

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