Watch out for that first step.

Ambervein

Nine

8 years ago

Oct 8, 2016, 8:43:27 AM

After ages of stargazing the Unfallen on Gipar discovered they were not alone. Their oldest authority, Judge-of-Olden-Law, proposed an election to help guide them into this new era among the stars. Yute, a Cypress class vessel, was voted by the people to be the pioneer of goodwill in the first trans-system flight. Her crew was appointed from the best diplomats, tradesmen, and researchers. One envoy was Yute's lifelong husband, Irrata. He was an officer within the Garden Sovereignty Pact and proudly wears the pelts of those led to extinction when they sought to prune the predatory fauna from Gipar. This earned Irrata great animosity from his peers. Demonstrators attempted to blockade Irrata on launch day, but Irrata's ability to command troops was unmatched. Guards pushed the rabble aside with ease and Irrata boarded victorious.

Months into the journey, celebration took place on Yute's command deck. They were joining paths with a pair of comets named after the goddesses of nature and time; Eresh and Anai. While every house worshiped a local deity, all considered Eresh and Anai as mothers of the Unfallen. Yute could feel strong emotions of uncertainty emanate from the crew as she approached. They soon came to their senses and remembered the comets were a rare phenomenon only appearing every few centuries. The research team began working.

Passive measurements were reporting what they already knew; size, velocity, and faint radiation. Some tradesmen began discussing the possibility of reproducing and selling light-wave recordings as growth stimuli when Irrata motioned for guards to remove them and others from the deck. Those remaining frantically formed a telepathic connection between themselves and Yute's organic systems to analyse the incoming data. The comets where giving off traces of Dust. Irrata grew concerned and urged Yute away from Eresh and Anai. Before Yute could respond, the researchers began a series of active scans to penetrate the comas. Beneath the icy surfaces were artificial cores laden with Dust. The comets started scanning and attacking in reply.

Beams from Eresh scorched Yute's solar sails. Yute returned fire from small kinetic turrets. Ineffective. Another discharge of beams crippled Yute's vital systems. She could do nothing more but try to flee. Maneuvering was slow and when Yute reached full speed Anai sent the finishing blow. A small-dispersal, Dust warhead peppered the CIC and half the ship. Repair was no longer possible.

Yute died long before she coasted back to Unfallen space. Only five returned alive. Irrata was among them. A strange fusion with a fragment of the Dust warhead kept him alive as it slowly ate a hollow in his chest. The life it provided cursed Irrata to feel his wife lament and suffer for weeks as she sacrificed the crew and tore herself apart to save as many as she could. Irrata swore to seek retribution on the comets creator; mortal or god. The other survivors promoted learning or profiting from the comets the next time they returned. The Unfallen people are divided: Justice or Peace?

Updated 8 years ago.

Tlaloc

Iron Addict

Made you look.

Tlaloc

Iron Addict

35 900g2g pts

8 years ago

Oct 9, 2016, 12:43:30 AM

I like the feel of your Unfallen civilization, lots of individuality and it establishes that among them ships are still considered part of the population. I especially like what you did at the end there. It sets up conflict for the first quest between Military and Scientific and other members of the population very effectively. Poor Irrata though it must be difficult to be a militaristic member of a diplomatic race.

Ambervein

Nine

Ambervein

Nine

8 years ago

Oct 9, 2016, 2:20:07 AM

Thanks Tlaloc for your feedback. I felt that I had to give the ships "life" and not just sentience. You need to understand that you are not sacrificing population to build a ship but asking a friend, lover, or relative to bear the ravages of battle after battle until they cannot hold out any more. Makes you wonder if that is why the Unfallen desire diplomacy over war.

As for Irrata, I think that while it might have been tough before; most would not argue against the need for protection from their enemies. But what if the people you serve think you did something unforgivable and for it you received divine punishment? Now try to rally support to wage war on the gods while knowing full well the suffering such a war would bring. Do you think the people will listen? Do you want them to listen?

Updated 8 years ago.

segua

Wannabe

segua

Wannabe

3 600g2g pts

8 years ago

Oct 9, 2016, 6:15:09 AM

"Makes you wonder if that is why the Unfallen desire diplomacy over war. "

That statement helps reshape my view of the Unfallen. I envision the Unfallen as sentient beings whether as sapling or a interstellar vessel. And drawing from a sources like Avatar, I see the Unfallen connected to an underground bio-network so that they can communicate. Now I also read that real trees communicate through a fungi network at the root level, and with the release of pollen and chemicals into the air. Seeing how social real trees are, I envision that the Unfallen are highly social. With a highly social race, I'm sure they are devastated by the lost of a friend, lover and etc. They aren't mechanical or individualistic. They are organic (no pun intended) and communal in my view. When an individual suffer, the entire community feels its suffering. They can empathize with one another deeply.

VIPDigitalhawk96

Mirror

継続は力なり。 (Keizoku wa chikara nari) Perseverance is power.

VIPDigitalhawk96

Mirror

32 800g2g pts

8 years ago

Oct 9, 2016, 5:06:36 PM

Ambervein wrote:
Thanks Tlaloc for your feedback. I felt that I had to give the ships "life" and not just sentience. You need to understand that you are not sacrificing population to build a ship but asking a friend, lover, or relative to bear the ravages of battle after battle until they cannot hold out any more. Makes you wonder if that is why the Unfallen desire diplomacy over war.

As for Irrata, I think that while it might have been tough before; most would not argue against the need for protection from their enemies. But what if the people you serve think you did something unforgivable and for it you received divine punishment? Now try to rally support to wage war on the gods while knowing full well the suffering such a war would bring. Do you think the people will listen? Do you want them to listen?

Really, I've been wondering what to say but this seems to hit it in the head.

In your story you have brought this kind of duty across, yes to become a ship or a vast construction of any kind, through your own choice is not only a great honour and there is undeniable benefits to do so; it also comes with its own hardships, risks and of course... pain. You present an interesting narrative to be followed and one of my favourite kind of "Heroes", one that has to struggle or carry with them a great burden or someone who is cursed with an affliction.

I have to give you praise for giving a sense of individuality and life to the ship which was primary explored though the husband and wife relationship; making them seem to be a part of the population, not a separate entity. As well as you exploration of communication and the Military/Pacifist/Science conflict.

Ambervein

Nine

Ambervein

Nine

8 years ago

Oct 9, 2016, 6:56:24 PM

Digitalhawk96 wrote:
Really, I've been wondering what to say but this seems to hit it in the head.

In your story you have brought this kind of duty across, yes to become a ship or a vast construction of any kind, through your own choice is not only a great honour and there is undeniable benefits to do so; it also comes with its own hardships, risks and of course... pain. You present an interesting narrative to be followed and one of my favourite kind of "Heroes", one that has to struggle or carry with them a great burden or someone who is cursed with an affliction.

I have to give you praise for giving a sense of individuality and life to the ship which was primary explored though the husband and wife relationship; making them seem to be a part of the population, not a separate entity. As well as you exploration of communication and the Military/Pacifist/Science conflict.

I'm glad you like it. I wanted his affliction to reflect him losing his heart. His love is now gone; replaced with the power and madness gained from Dust. As I thought of that I found myself thinking of trees which had been struck by lightning or just rotted hollow. Some will still stand and even grow, but how long could they survive in that state? I only wish I had more words to use to deepen the connection/bond between Yute and Irrata, thereby giving a greater weight for what loss would mean to the Unfallen.

Ambervein

Nine

Ambervein

Nine

8 years ago

Oct 15, 2016, 7:46:30 PM

After a week of tweaks, edits, and revisions I present the final draft for consideration. My thanks to those who have followed my proposition and I hope my changes so far haven't dismayed your support.

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