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A Fallen Galaxy

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8 years ago
Oct 9, 2016, 5:51:33 PM

I've known Ulrak for millions of years. He has been among the eldest of our kin for most of our existence, but never before has he shown such an aversion to all that we Unfallen hold dear. He looks out for our saplings as if he were the ultimate father, yet at the slightest mention of another people, his tendrils curl and his bark creaks. "I will not meddle with the other, corrupt aberrations who tread our galaxy. The machine-bugs threaten to devour all that which we have cultivated, the endless worshipers harvest others for their own selfish needs." Can he not see the good in all that the Endless have created? Must he think so lowly of the other races? I curse my own will, for it is not sufficient to stand against Ulrak's.
Elder Gurlan, our most revered oracle, was reluctant to provide guidance on the matter. "I see both wisdom, and ignorance in Ulrak's words. Balancing our duties with the safety of our saplings is a difficult task. I cannot provide an impetus for him to change, but I can give advice to you noble guardian: Live among those who you love and cherish, but if they do not cherish you, seeds of violence will grow." I contemplated the meaning of Elder Gurlan's advice for some time, before Ulrak heard of my counsel with him. "Why do you harass the Elder with your petty games? His duty is too taxing and time-consuming for you to mean anything to him."
I then understood what Elder Gurlan wished of me. He wished for me to serve as an emissary to those who we watch over! I reveled in the honor that I was given, before leaving for the machine-bug's home world.
The journey through the void was a strange one. I witnessed the hatred which the other peoples of the galaxy have for each other. Yet, I also witnessed the passion they evoke. The men of science persevere through the most crippling failures, the merchants rejoice in a successful deal, the soldiers bond in a way no ordinary people could. Before my search for higher understanding concluded, however, I neared the husk of a planet the machine-bugs call home.
I was greeted first by a group of soldiers, and was nearly killed before explaining my purpose. The drones backed down, as an almost entirely mechanical being approached me. It called itself Yonoa, and wished to study my bark for information. I kindly accepted her proposal.
The machine-bugs are a particularly savage people. The common drone among them is hardly intelligent enough to act of its own volition, and even those blessed with great intellect engage in terrible, unspeakable violence. The only exception was Yonoa. She seemed more interested in experimentation and knowledge than war. This exception among the machine-bugs imbued me with hope that one day, more of these beings could emulate Yonoa. But before we reached Yonoa's laboratory, I heard the rumbling of Unfallen ships.
Its was Ulrak.


     

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8 years ago
Oct 12, 2016, 1:58:00 AM

Great story! I like the characters you introduce and give unique personalities and motivations. I offer a couple suggestions. First, it would help with readability if you split up the paragraphs with indents or extra space, right now it's hard to tell them apart. Second, it was unclear to me who speaks this line, "Why do you harass the Elder with your petty games? His duty is too taxing and time-consuming for you to mean anything to him." Maybe clear that up a bit. And third, Why is Ulrak, who is millions of years old, only just now all of a sudden against other races? And isn't this against the supposed pacifistic nature of the Unfallen? Just curious about your thoughts on this.


Anyways, cool stuff. Keep it up!

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8 years ago
Oct 17, 2016, 3:29:13 PM

I'm a bit ambivalent about such a clear reference to the Cravers, especially as if a quest is to hook the narrative of the game, it cannot rely on the presence of another faction which might be missing from the game altogether.

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