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On Isolation, On Growth, and On the Defense of Our Homes

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8 years ago
Oct 11, 2016, 1:35:23 AM



A shifting, towering hall, ceiling opened to the elements, encapsulated Our Delegation. A great debate was being held, and Our peaceful, wizened race of plantoids had lost any pretense of patience We once had with Ourselves. Thoughts raced, arguments were raised and then razed, and resentments built to climax. Rough winds rushed through the open ceiling, and, all at once, all but one thought was halted.


One voice, one consciousness, One being of great respect and balance brought on a call for peace between divides; the eldest among Us whose most recent name gave that One a place in the delegation hall, “One Who Considers the Flow of Our Thought, and Brings Together Greater Understanding” or, alternatively “Tender to Our Greater Mind.”


Tender had communicated Our arguments of merit on all sides of debate, with unavoidable biases, which were made known to Our Delegation. On sacrifice and discovery, what the other worlds in the greater cosmos meant to Us as a whole. Of the freedom to find something new among the stars, of the loss felt by Our Community when One leaves Us. Of the urgency to defend against Our exploitation by those less fortunate to be guided by Our Unity. Of the safety in obfuscation, of minimization. Let Us not be seen and exploited. Let Us grow and discover. Let Us defend Ourselves, Our Unity.


Discovery and Defense--these outweighed Our continued Isolation. We that made Isolation’s case were ruled by a fear, a very real, understood fear. Tender let it be known, and it was felt, and all had understood now and, in their ways, understood then. We must take great care. A pause, a collective rumination. …But We must move forward.


Immediately a begging, desperate thought invaded Tender's Understanding from One turbulent mind. It was felt, and known. Accepted by Tender, and by All. This thought fled from One “Minder of Tongues,” a mind of great philosophy and thought, respected for their Understanding of the value behind the thought made unknown. To break One's own wisdom in this blatant manner was a great burden.


Tender made known the fear felt by Minder, and professed this was a fear shared by All. No argument in this room was not ruled by this very same fear. We must grow so that we might better understand and discover a galaxy that troubles us with its mysteries. We must grow in a way that would defend Us against those mysteries. And among Isolationists, We would grow inwardly, to remain tucked away that no one would find Us.


But if we do not grow to discover, Tender argued, do not grow to defend, we will only grow to be discovered. To be found wanting when found by Others. This was logical, but the very roots of Our culture told Us differently. We must grow in ways that keep Us together. We must remain still.  We must remain so still that We will not be noticed. If We had one instinct, it was this.


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Edit #1: Cleared some things up, "Three movements, three arguments. Two seemed to outweigh one. We that made it were" to "Discovery and Defense--these outweighed Our continued Isolation. We that made Isolation’s case were..." and addressed that "that no one might notice Us." repetitiveness that I had not noticed! Thank you, carolean7! I also played around a little here and there with some wording, but I forgot to keep track of those changes. Whoops!


First things first, this is the first thing I have submitted! And it's my first post. I love the concept of these contests. Please let me know if I have missed a rule, or if anything in the story is confusing or just plain incorrect.


I wrote this with the telepathic communication between a collective in mind, whilst also necessitating a debate in a senate type setting, and what that might mean for a culture. So I got a kind-of-collective, who were connected, and understood one another on a slightly baser level, but could still separate the thought necessary to ensure arguments and debate could happen. Debate still always leads to an ultimate Understanding, and generally they arrive at conclusions quite quickly; but discussions can drag on. Emotion is shared, but higher thought has its degrees of separation. Conscious concealment is thought of neither good nor bad, because base emotions give an individual away and ultimately lead to better Collective Understanding through debate. 


I also included a third way in the senate; the Isolationists. Since trees and plants are nearly always immobile (and the fact that they've been abused and probably want to hide) I think a "Let's All Just Stay Home, Please" way of thought makes sense before space exploration.


Please ask me anything or make suggestions! I'll do my best to answer.


Updated 8 years ago.
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8 years ago
Oct 12, 2016, 2:21:15 PM

Cool story here. I like the senate-debate style story you laid out here, which is tough to do for shared-consciousness beings. And the way you stress their isolationist tendencies and how that conflicts with them wanting to expand... Well done. Very different from my story, where I assume they are more comfortable with expanding, but I like the idea very much. I especially like the phrase, "arguments were raised and then razed", great play on words!


As a reader, it isn't very clear what you mean by "Three movements, three arguments. Two seemed to outweigh one." What are the 3, and which two outweighed 1 exactly? Also, you use the phrase, "...that no one might notice Us" twice in the end of the story.


Anyway, great stuff! Keep it up!

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8 years ago
Oct 13, 2016, 12:48:05 AM
carolean7 wrote:

Cool story here. I like the senate-debate style story you laid out here, which is tough to do for shared-consciousness beings. And the way you stress their isolationist tendencies and how that conflicts with them wanting to expand... Well done. Very different from my story, where I assume they are more comfortable with expanding, but I like the idea very much. I especially like the phrase, "arguments were raised and then razed", great play on words!


As a reader, it isn't very clear what you mean by "Three movements, three arguments. Two seemed to outweigh one." What are the 3, and which two outweighed 1 exactly? Also, you use the phrase, "...that no one might notice Us" twice in the end of the story.


Anyway, great stuff! Keep it up!


Ahh, tyvm!! These problems should be addressed now. 


Once I found out they had a Senate, I had to try and write about it. Diplomacy stories are very interesting to me, and if I had more than 500 words to use I imagine the Isolationist Minder would have gotten more in depth about their own views as the debate went on before Tender had called the conclusion. Making an Isolationists faction/way of thought felt a little like going out on a limb, like I was taking a liberty that wasn't mine to take, but I'm glad someone liked it!


Again, thank you for the feedback.

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8 years ago
Oct 18, 2016, 1:35:05 PM

If I had anything to say it's that I'm not overly fond of radical noun capitalization, which I think can make your narration a tiny bit unclear at times.  

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8 years ago
Oct 19, 2016, 8:01:30 PM
Frogsquadron wrote:

If I had anything to say it's that I'm not overly fond of radical noun capitalization, which I think can make your narration a tiny bit unclear at times.  


Yes, I was concerned about this, too. Ultimately I decided to keep all the references to the self and the collective mind capitalized, kind of like capitalizing a name or the letter I.

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