"The shrine world Ghaznak II has fallen, the rest of the system will follow suit in two months. ' Anvrk Atevso' has been declared. In desperation they even 'requested' the assistance of their protectorate." Silence hovered ominously inside the Royal Sanctum. The omnipresent chill in the room was raw. Almost nobody was eager to hear the words uttered next. Lord Admiral Gagarin noted the reactions of the four dukes across the pentagon table. Duke Kasarei Chivall of the media conglomerate Informa Inc had a stoic disposition. Vheldt Kintoto of Kintoto industries appeared pensive. Duke Del'Khan’s poor attempt on emulating Chivall's neutral expression didn't conceal the apprehension in his eyes. Duke Torvhal Yanderzirk of Yanderzirk Ballistics, had a slight smile. It reminded the Lord Admiral of a starving predator about to satiate his voracious appetite. Gagarin didn't glance right at the three ministry associates on his side of the table, they were reasonable men. He then looked left and sitting on a throne behind the bottom edge of the pentagon was Emperor Maxmillion Zelevas. His eyes were alert but not of fear, only of active mental activity signifying intelligence processing new data. "My analysts tell me the Sophons are dragging their feet. They are not idiots, they know what comes next. However, they will yield to their masters. The Hissho are not the type one dawdles with. This boon must not be relinquished, I highly recommend we pursue Operation Counterstrike."



Operation Counterstrike was three years in the planning. Its objective was seizure of the Hyksos sector. A space oasis littered with garden planets, invaluable metals and a cornucopia of Endless artifacts. A region the United Empire once laid claim to, until the Sophon incursion. With the Hissho Confederacy as the reigning military superpower, pledging protection of Sophon territories, there was no opportunity to recapture lost systems. Not until the Cravers bypassed the Immortal Fleet with esoteric technology which permitted deep space travel without star lanes.



"Our fleets have been marshalling and preparing since the Cravers breached Hissho space. Its fortunate the retrofitting will be complete in a few months." He nodded to Duke Torvhal. "Our forces will be prepared for deployment by the end of this year."



Lord Secretary of Investment Bran Vovozo nodded his head and said "We can finance this war for ten years. In one fell swoop it will strengthen our monopoly on T-70 and obtaining Hexaferrum. As sole distributor of Hex, we can exploit Hissho dependance for their formidable weapons tech. I cannot begin to calculate the value of the countless Endless artifacts. The market following post war will recoup our expenditures and ascend the Empire's present economic parity with the Sophons. With such potential for unparalleled galactic commerce, I concur with the Lord Admiral's evaluation."



"No doubt the expeditionary forces will smash their meager navy but what of reinforcements? With the pair of wormholes on the Yutani system the avians and their bobble headed lackeys will overwhelm us! A man once said quantity has a quality on its own!" exasperated Duke Voldo XIII Del'Khan of Voldo Del'Khan and Associates. Gagarin reigned his disgust a moment before his face betrayed him. "As you were briefed in the previous meeting, the Sheredyn fleet will arrive arrive on Yutani. Upon arrival on the nexus they will desist any xeno movement from entering or leaving the system." Del'Khan yelled"You underestimate the Hissho!" "You underestimate the Sheredyn!" Gagarin shot back. With impatience evident in his tone. "Must I explain everything? A shrine world has capitulated, the Hissho declared a blood debt! The birds will not spare ships for a remote sector when their core systems are the front line! With the Immortal Fleet halfway across the galaxy, they are defending with their reserves!" Del'Khan unmoved replied "Then what of the rebels? The pirates!?" Del'Khan persisted "They know war is coming! With fewer ships patrolling the star lanes, raiding parties will pillage the Damian Frontier with impunity!" Del'Khan's face palette resembled an overripe tomato when he boomed "Except perhaps the systems declaring secession and liberty!" "Our reserves will prove sufficient." Gagarin spat



That was a bold faced lie. On the outskirts of the Empire, insurgencies and piracy sprouted like untreated cold sores. Coincidentally ever since the Cravers breached the Hissho home territories three years ago. The pirates proved to be more resilient than anticipated, armed with complex technologies backwater bandits shouldn't possess. Another quirk was the small but growing minority of pirates with a streak of fundamentalist worship of the Endless. Even more odd, the nearby Sophon colonies endured almost no harassment. The analysts at the Imperial War College released a study that concluded a considerable naval presence was recommended to suppress the instability before it mutated into a sector rife of criminals, religious zealots and political instigators.



It was a bold faced lie and Del'Khan knew it. "Bullcrap! Speaking as chairman of the Terran Mercantile Fleet, you are obligated to protect the material interests and subjects of the Empire! My associates are losing capital investing resources into a defenseless region prey to scum!" "Your associates or you?" "Enough." Emperor Zelevas interjected softly. Del'Khan clenched and unclenched his fists but stayed quiet. The Emperor calmly said. "I will have final say on this insurrection before tonight's conclusion. Discuss the viability of Counterstrike." Duke Kintoto lightly tapping his cheek asked "I do wonder, what if the Sophons attack us from the Damian frontier? We'd have a two front war on our hands." Lord General Zin’Chan responded "So will they." he smiled and continued "It will escalate the localized conflict into a galactic war. They are not prepared for that."



Del'Khan loudly piped "Two things can happen! The Hissho will win and fulfill their pledge afterward! Or worse, the Cravers conquer them!" Duke Torvhal eagerly replied "Hissho honor is a mask to disguise their narcissism. When they fend off the Cravers, they'll commit every penguin, ostrich, and dodo to incinerate the enemy that soiled their nests. The eggheads will whine about the pledge but it won't crack Hissho single mindedness. By the time the smoke clears, they'll be less inclined to provoke the best doctor in the known universe! They'll need medicine from the Empire treasury to remediate the tolls of protracted war." the weapons supplier replied jovially. Everybody noticed the omission of the Cravers. It was nightmarish scenario to contemplate and not even Del'Khan can stomach further inquiry on that.





Emperor Zelevas made his hands into a steeple. "My advisors and dukes of commerce, there will be war. The fighting in the years to come will earn us the grudging respect of the Hissho and the compliance of the Sophons. This is not a war of conquest, simply reclaiming what was ours. My Duke Del'Khan, your concern for the frontier is not unfounded, however we do not have the resources to follow our course and simultaneously tame that wild frontier. We can simply quarantine this contamination. However, as soon as the Hyksos systems are pacified, there will be a second Purge." There was a moment of silence, every man save the Emperor displayed signs of discomfort; wringing of hands, bite of lip, a drop of sweat. Del'Khan pale and stutterdly said "Y-Your Excellency t-thats too-" "No." Interrupted by an Emperor gradually winding up into a maelstrom of anger. "I will not abide by dissent! I will not accept mysticism! I will not tolerate talks of liberty! These wretches misplaced themselves!" The Emperor of mankind visibly shook with rage "The only device these dissidents will kowtow to is terror! For cruelty commands respect! We care not for their love, for we are more empowered by their fear!" Emperor Zelevas closed his eyes for a few moments and begun with a more moderate tone. "By the time we are finished spilling blood, it will be the dawn of a new century. The stars shine for a United Empire."

/

/

Much thanks to nolan85 & FinalStrigon‎ for inspiring me to write this.

Wow, this is written like something that's in a best-seller novel



Well done!

Ah, well, you're welcome for the inspirations. ^_^ And you have a very interesting story developing here.



A few words of advice: When it comes to dialogue, when someone new starts to speak, start a new line. That would clean up some of the clutter you have in some paragraphs. For example, this:

Gagarin reigned his disgust a moment before his face betrayed him. "As you were briefed in the previous meeting, the Sheredyn fleet will arrive arrive on Yutani. Upon arrival on the nexus they will desist any xeno movement from entering or leaving the system." Del'Khan yelled"You underestimate the Hissho!" "You underestimate the Sheredyn!" Gagarin shot back. With impatience evident in his tone. "Must I explain everything? A shrine world has capitulated, the Hissho declared a blood debt! The birds will not spare ships for a remote sector when their core systems are the front line! With the Immortal Fleet halfway across the galaxy, they are defending with their reserves!" Del'Khan unmoved replied "Then what of the rebels? The pirates!?" Del'Khan persisted "They know war is coming! With fewer ships patrolling the star lanes, raiding parties will pillage the Damian Frontier with impunity!" Del'Khan's face palette resembled an overripe tomato when he boomed "Except perhaps the systems declaring secession and liberty!" "Our reserves will prove sufficient." Gagarin spat

Would become:

Gagarin reigned his disgust a moment before his face betrayed him. "As you were briefed in the previous meeting, the Sheredyn fleet will arrive arrive on Yutani. Upon arrival on the nexus they will desist any xeno movement from entering or leaving the system."

"You underestimate the Hissho!" Del'Khan yelled

"You underestimate the Sheredyn!" Gagarin shot back. With impatience evident in his tone. "Must I explain everything? A shrine world has capitulated, the Hissho declared a blood debt! The birds will not spare ships for a remote sector when their core systems are the front line! With the Immortal Fleet halfway across the galaxy, they are defending with their reserves!"

"Then what of the rebels? The pirates!?" Del'Khan unmoved replied, and persisted "They know war is coming! With fewer ships patrolling the star lanes, raiding parties will pillage the Damian Frontier with impunity!" Del'Khan's face palette resembled an overripe tomato when he boomed "Except perhaps the systems declaring secession and liberty!"

"Our reserves will prove sufficient." Gagarin spat.

That tends to be easier for readers to follow, for there is less of a chance for them to confuse who is speaking. I did move some of the dialogue tags around as well, as those should follow what a character said, not precede it. Again, it's just for clarity for the reader. Also, you don't always need to include the tags, or say things like "spat," "yelled," and so on. Using an exclamation point gets across that he yelled, for example. And when you have a series of back and forth between two characters, you can drop the tags completely. For example:

"Hey, how are you doing today?" Bob asked.

"Oh, I'm doing alright." Carl replied with a shrug, "How are you?"

"I could be better. My wife is filing for divorce."

"Shit, sorry to hear that, man."

"Nah, it's fine. I can't wait to be rid of the ♥♥♥♥♥ anyway."

"Do you want to hit the bar after work?"

"Sure, I'll meet you there." Bob said before walking away, heading for his office.

These are just suggestions. Take them or leave them. I'll be waiting for more on this story, though. I want to see what happens

Great story, im ashamed that wrote such a bad fanfic in comparison. D:



Anyway. i will wait for more.

Madrox wrote:
Great story, im ashamed that wrote such a bad fanfic in comparison. D:



Anyway. i will wait for more.

Nononono! Your fanfic is good, and therefore still better than mine (no I won't post any)

Skyranger wrote:
"The only device these dissidents will kowtow to is terror! For cruelty commands respect! We care not for their love, for we are more empowered by their fear!" Emperor Zelevas closed his eyes for a few moments and begun with a more moderate tone. "By the time we are finished spilling blood, it will be the dawn of a new century. The stars shine for a United Empire."

.

So freakin epic! More prease!

nolan85 wrote:
So freakin epic! More prease!

Hopefully we get more, this so well-written