I bet you're all wondering what, or exactly who would be pretentious enough to actually label their species as “Endless”. Well, I'm here to answer that question. To put it bluntly, the Endless are evidence that there is actually is no intelligent life out there in the universe. Seriously, these self-important alien bastards couldn't run a taco truck without accidentally blowing up half their species. In the grand scheme of things, the new civilizations in the Era of Disharmony are doing MUCH better. You don't see the Amoeba accidentally glassing one of their worlds, do you? No, their only claim to fame is universal map awareness and a track record of repeated failures when it comes to trying to negotiate with Cravers. But, I digress.



Our story begins on a world that may or may not be within the generated galaxies of Endless Space called Tor, orbiting a star called Prime. You might've actually found this star during one of your many games, but it's not likely you found the planet for reasons I'll explore later. These aliens did not call themselves the Endless just yet, and existed as 3 different species that were only vaguely aware of one another: the Tandu, the Hadun, and the Eaur.



The Tandu were the equivalent of people from Iowa or Utah, but in space, in that they lived on a section of Tor that no one really wanted, and yet they were overly proud of for no particular reason. These guys spent their time tilling the ground and trying to farm out the frozen tundra for space hot pockets, but given that tundra planets are more geared toward industry than farming, you can imagine how many of those guys died out from famine every year. During the long winters, they turned their thoughts toward “thought and prayer and philosophical debate”. I'm assuming this to be fancy talk for “♥♥♥♥♥ing about the cold”, again, much like people from Iowa do.



The Hadun were much less passive, and their days consisted of going out, finding something made of meat and whacking it with a stick or a rock until it figured that staying down was the better idea. This made the Hadun more tribal and tough than other denizens of Tor, but that is not to say that they didn't have their problems. Their closest neighbors were space yeti creatively named “White Ones” that were strong enough to respond to any aggression by picking up and throwing SUVs at the offenders (assuming they could find such elusive motor vehicles), and Borers, which.... if you've ever seen the movie “Tremors”, you'd get any idea for what these things could do to something the size of an average human. Hadun tended to accumulate casualties during hunting on the level of being the favorite character on an episode of Game of Thrones.



Lastly, there were the Eaur, who had decided long ago that the Tandu and the Hadun were a bunch of annoying idiots and decided to take their chances doing like the Little Mermaid sang, and living under the sea. They had an obviously more aquatic appearance, with fins and gills and such, and I'm assuming they looked kind of like the Zora from Ocarina of Time. Unfortunately, there was more down there than a Jamaican crab and redheads dreaming of their prince charming on livejournal. The first of which was the Scythefish, which were like packs of swimming cheesegraters. Most of the time, one was informed that a school of them was nearby by their instant, immediate, yet agonizing deaths. Cloudfish, resembling jellyfish, were somewhat helpful at defending against Scythefish with their suggestively long tentacles, but given that their brains were on par with the average call of duty player, they often times team killed as often as they did their job. The last horror on the list were the great Leviathans, which were obnoxiously large dinosaur creatures that could smash entire villages by mere accident. Scythefish tended to follow them around, feeding off of them, but they were so atrociously large and thick skinned that the Levithans didn't really feel it or care.



Spaceflight was something that did not come easily or quickly to the Endless. Much like reality, preparing a slower than light speed craft for the long journey across the stars was not an easy matter, especially for a species that had neither invented Battleship, Scrabble, or even Spot the Car to pass the time. Early efforts exploded with hilarious regularity, and the Endless had a tendency of establishing their self-importance by naming their craft things like “The Bright Things Beckon” and “So Must We All One Day”. Usually, I just name my ships something like “Meatshield 47” and “Bullet Magnet 82”, but this isn't about me.



Eventually, they got the hang of it and started to colonize nearby asteroids, building mining platforms and orbital factories that, undoubtedly, caused a great deal of Galactic Warming from their disrespect to the environment. One day, while trying to mine out the rare elements that their factories needed to build taco trucks, the Endless came across an unusual crystal. This crystal absorbed energy, and reacted to stimuli in the style that, when the Endless poked it, it slapped them and called them stupid. I'm a fan already. This crystal could also alter its shape and, while not sentient in the traditional sense, it was revealed to be the oldest living being in the universe. The Endless had discovered the Harmony... which is not canon for those of you who prefer vanilla over Disharmony.



The Harmony were of great help to the Endless, despite the lack of easy communication and the many helmets they went through due to the Harmony's tendency to slap and insult when poked, but studying their crystalline biology revealed methods of manipulating gravity and time-space. It was around this point that the idea of differing peoples began to die out and become meaningless, and the Torians started to refer to themselves collectively as the “Endless”.



Unfortunately, not all was well back on Tor. The Eaur had not engaged in spaceflight, and spent their time mining the deep oceans for raw materials. Over time, they went deeper and deeper into the planetary crust, blowing things up with fission devices and literally f***ing the planet with mining drills. Now, to those of you who know anything about geology, you can already tell that this is a horrible idea. Eventually, they went too deep, and magma from Tor's core squirted out like popping a terrible planetary pimple. The offenders, along with most of the town, were graced with instant death, and similar fissures began to open all over the sea floor where the Eaur had been mining, spreading through the structural weaknesses. With magma pouring into the ocean and the core bleeding out, it wasn't long before the ecological damage became cataclysmic and then unrecoverable. The seas dried out in a matter of months, and while efforts were made to save the sea-dwelling Zora people, millions were left behind as Tor dried out like a snickers bar in the heat of the Texas sun, and broke apart. Devastated by the loss of their home planet, the Endless became a purely space faring race and went off in search of other planets to ruin.



And that is chapter 1 of my little history lesson. If I get moderately favorable reviews, I might do more at some point. Let me know what you think. Now, I'm off to play me some Endless Legend. Ciao for now, kids.