I did not see when it happened exactly. My empire had the most influence >60% and the Independent city was a sattelite state. Suddenly my influence dropped to zero and doesn't show up at any place. As if I did not make contact at all.
It is working as designed, because if you attack an independent people in their territory you lose all the patronage and all the treaties. However, we understand that it can be frustrating and we will definitely look into it for the upcoming patches.
For the time being you can avoid that making sure that your stealth units are not in the IPs territory or very close to it, because if either the attacker of the defender are in the territory you will lose your patronage and treaties.
Ambush attacks a a bit of a mystery in general, it is some kind of clear how they work but their effects on diplomacy (grievances) are a bit obscure. Also, it would be nice to have a third choice besides attack or retreat – something to avoid the fight completely when it is an ally.
In theory grievances for the ambushed side should always be generated (I did a quick test and it works correctly on our side). If that is not the case in your games, it could be a bug, so please don't hesitate to report that as well.
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